The Heart Wrenches....

....When you miss someone so intensely, who never fully existed in reality

....When you're asked to give someone a second, third, fourth chance at your heart. You have to say no or risk being fooled again, the most plausible outcome. Because how many times can you let someone fool you before you become completely made up of nothing but foolishness? And in that eventuality how would you live with yourself? Its hard enough already. But your heart is screaming at your head to say yes, you deserve that chance, here, have it. Have me and use me up and leave me here to wither away when you're brief moment of substance-induced interest has passed. Because your foolish and hopeful heart somehow truly believes that they do deserve another chance to destroy you again, and it somehow believes beyond all logical reason that perhaps this time you could be made happy for a while, and not scorned and defeated and a left a fool. It doesn't consider that this brief and shining moment in time will certainly leave you as a smoldering pile of ashes, as it has before. A pile of foolish ashes on the barren plain of all the other chances you gave with hope.
....When your head takes over, when logic and reason exercise their strength. A strength that comes from some place you can't even believe exists, because even in this moment of strength you feel so defeatingly weak.
....When you know you've done the right thing, but you wish more than anything you hadn't. Because you're heart is still ashes, and you only have your head to blame.
....When what you yearn for now is that brief moment of foolishness and stupidity that you passed up in attempt to save yourself from the ashes, from the fool you would become.
But all you want now is to be the fool.